A Rake's Snake on the Make; George Harrison: 'Ho

Oh, to be a George.

As I was discussing the legend of Harrison’s carnal guzzling, my partner said, “I’d’ve done him. I don’t care if he was a ‘ho. He was George Harrison.” 

Even for the Beatle described as the "melancholic” and “quiet” one, he still managed to get himself, well, up in more p*ssy than a bidet. Beatles expert Bill Harry claimed Harrison had “hundreds and hundreds of affairs.” (According to Harry, even at that George still came in second to Lennon.) And like any (quiet) champion, the playa didn’t have to boast about life behind the zipper—certainly not in song.

(Some of the history of Harrison’s amatory exploits were covered in Scorsese’s documentary—co-produced by Harrison’s wife—Living in the Material World in 2011.)

Oh Boy George

In George’s two marriages, both wives claimed he was an inveterate philanderer: the first, Patti Boyd (1966-1977), would get some side action herself—she being the actual Layla of Eric Clapton’s imagination, as well as being the muse of George’s Something and a few others; the second, Olivia née Arias (1978 until his death in 2001), knew from the beginning what she was getting into. She’d refer to his assorted peccadillos as “hiccups.” She told The Guardian: He liked women and women liked him. If he just said a couple of words to you, it would have a profound effect. It was hard to deal with someone who was so well-loved. 

Olivia sitting through a hiccup

For most of us, faithfulness in relationships is relatively unchallenging, if for no other reason than our general limitation of opportunities. Reasonably attractive celebrities—and some not so, including renowned braggart Dustin Hoffman—have no trouble spinning the WAP counter. While no doubt his Rolodex was loaded with many anxious possibilities, the obstacle of Harrison’s marriage was a slight one, made easier through the many chemical-fueled parties at his Friar Park estate. (A glimpse of its Downton Abbey scaled gardens were featured in the cover shot of All Things Must Past.)

Even so, given Harrison’s history, it seems likely that a simple hookup wouldn’t be nearly enough. This may explain his pouncing on both Ringo’s and Ron Wood’s wives.

Here’s what the Wiki page for his Dark Horse album had to say:

Patti Boyd in her Layla garb

Wounded by Harrison's frequent infidelities, Boyd left him for Eric Clapton in July 1974, having previously had an affair with another of her husband's guitar-playing friends, Ron Wood of the Faces. Both of these dalliances would also receive attention on the Dark Horse album, which Harrison's musical biographer, Simon Leng, has described as "a musical soap opera, cataloging rock-life antics, marital strife, lost friendships, and self-doubt". In his rewrite of the Everly Brothers' “Bye Bye, Love”, Harrison declared: “There goes our lady, with a-you-know-who / I hope she's happy, old Clapper too”; while his handwritten liner notes listed one of the guest musicians on “Ding Dong, Ding Dong” as “Ron Would If You Let Him”. For his part, Harrison had taken up with Starr's wife, Maureen Starkey, and the UK tabloids soon reported him as being romantically involved with model Kathy Simmons (ex-girlfriend of Rod Stewart) as well as Krissy Wood (wife of the Faces guitar player). Shortly before Dark Horse's release, Harrison would dodge reporters' questions regarding his private life with a suggestion that people wait for the new album, saying, “It's like Peyton Place.”

That scamp Harrison also reportedly did some serious cupcaking and maybe more with Madonna on the set of Shanghai Surprise (his Handmade Films produced—a film that did so badly at the box office it was dubbed Flop Suey). She was still married to Sean Penn at the time. George was also known to pick through the stable of secretaries and office personnel at his film company over its 15 years. (He met Olivia working for his record company.) 

George and Paul are also known to have shared at least one girlfriend in the early days and George and John both picked a Ronette on an early tour.

Patti trying to hold on

Old & In the Way But with Expenses: Will the 70's Please Die?

For those not alive in the 70's: The bad news is it was peak drugs and sex (pre-AIDS). But it wasn’t all good: With sexual indulgence came serious sexism – and like most things, the advantage was all men’s.

Smoking was everywhere and everyone’s parents did it. Every kid would’ve sucked up clouds of it secondhand before they chose to shove that first one between their teenaged lips. There was smoke in elevators, stores, waiting rooms, offices, restaurants – everywhere. Mad Men doesn’t even get you close. (Plus, kiddies could get their own ciggies from machines.) And the drugs – they weren’t bad, in fact, they were the path to enlightenment. Bands and record labels built cocaine into their budgets. (In 1972, Black Sabbath spent $75K on coke; their album at the time cost $60K.) Weed and a bump were the new martini.

And then the music: Also peak classic.

Sorry you missed all that. Well, firsthand at least. You’d be forgiven for thinking that it never went away. Because it didn’t.

More bad news: However aged and decrepit those Baby Boomer acts have become, however many times your parents wanted to relive their teen years on their iPods, most of those acts are still working. Their hips may be plastic but the silver they’re still chasing. (Did no one save up for retirement?) And, now they’re coming to your town (or state, for you hillbillies). Many are promising these to be their final tours. Many are in their 70’s (Mick J is 75; Paul McC is 76) but don’t hold your breath. These coffin dodgers could be back again. And again.

A list of acts recently, currently, or soon to be on tour:

• The Rolling Stones 
• Eric Clapton
• The Outlaws
• King Crimson
• Kiss
• Genesis
• Pink Floyd
• Roger Waters, Us + Them Tour
• Yes (50th Anniversary Tour!)
• Eddie Money
• Uriah Heep (!)
• Deep Purple
• Fleetwood Mac
• Peter Frampton

• Steve Winwood
• Queen
• Dead and Company (?)
• Paul McCartney
• REO Speedwagon
• Moody Blues
• Hootie and the Blowfish
• Hall and Oates
• Jefferson Starship
• The Pretty Things
• Gang of Four
• Aerosmith

• Styx 
• U2
• The Cure
• Judas Priest
• Journey
• ZZ Top
• Bon Jovi
• Ratt
• Journey
• Ted Nugent
• Bob Seger
• Blue Öyster Cult
• Def Leppard
• Poison
• Salt N Papa
• Iron Maiden
• Metallica
• Naughty By Nature
• Dave Matthews
• Bonnie Raitt
• Megadeth
• The Monkees (!)
• The Beach Boys (!)
• Jethro Tull
• Electric Light Orchestra
• Cheap Trick
• Kansas
• Joe Walsh
• Roger Daltrey (playing Tommy)
• Scorpions
• AC/DC with Axl Rose

• Golden Earring
• Ozzy Osbourne
• Foghat
• The Crazy World of Arthur Brown (!)
• Savoy Brown
• Elton John
• Cher
• Jackson Browne
• Smokey Robinson
• Diana Ross
• Kool and the Gang
• Mariah Carey
• Earth, Wind, and Fire (!)
• George Clinton, Parliament Funkadelic
• and endless more...

Google anyone from the 70’s (or 60’s): It’s hard to find anyone who isn’t touring. Literally – I think Rush was the only band I could find that wasn’t. Some, like The Kinks, are still pending. David Lee Roth has been drooling over the prospects of another tour. Sadly, many of these bands are little more than effigies or placeholders. Most, and in many cases all, of the original members are dead or indifferent: The Beach Boys, Foghat, Journey, Earth, Wind, and Fire, The Monkees – time hasn’t been kind.

I remember reading interviews with Jagger from the 70’s talking about his dread for the idea of singing Satisfaction 20 years into the future. (He would’ve never dreamed of still being at it after 40.) Guess which song The Stones close with?

No age shaming here. I support geezers. But, Satisfaction at 75? Blasphemy.