Presenting a tribute to those whose mug shots were worthy of a Ralph Lauren ad and a shout out to the style and elegance that never abandoned them – even in what might be, for most, one of life’s most dire humiliations.
The First Place All-Time Hall of Fame Award: Who could top David Bowie in his Station to Station, Man Who Fell to Earth period? Never will you see a ice-colder , more I’m Rick James, bitch! look coming from a mug shot on anyone – certainly not from Rick James.
The arrest was in a downtown Rochester, NY hotel following a performance. Along with Iggy Pop and another person, all were charged with marijuana possession. Two months later the charges were dismissed and Bowie and Rochester would never meet again.
The always fine Jane Fonda in her wife-of-Congressman-Tom Hayden activist days. Also from the same period she won the academy award for Klute: She worked the Shag (the name of her hair style ) like no one else.
Beiber just knowing that he’s The Beeb – with rock-hard abs, a porn star’s package (noted in those poolside paparazzi pics), all while crashing Lambos for fun – and has an Armani army of attorneys at his disposal who’ll get him released long before he reaches the hold, shows himself to be completely unperturbed – jolly even.
In 2014 at 20, the Beebs admitted to police that he was blazed with a prescription drug chaser. Justin was able to avoid jail time but only after a plea agreement to take an anger management course and make a $50,000 charitable donation, in addition to paying court-ordered fines. Three years later, a contrite Beiber walked back from his sparkly pimp mugshot and admitted a desire to never go through that ordeal again. He also posted a couple of decidedly less pimp pics to his Instagram. (See below.)
Steve McQueen, the star of such films as The Magnificent Seven and The Great Escape takes the bravado one step further: Flashing peace and figuring as long as he’s buzzed, the party ain’t over. In 1972 McQueen was brought in for drunk driving while in Anchorage, AK. Once released, he left town and charges were filed in absentia.
If you’ve ever seen Bullit, you’ll know that if they caught him, it’s only because he let them.
Frank Sinatra: Ol’ Blue Eyes showing the piercing stare and a wig of hair thick enough stay put during a Jersey squall. Also, he reveals why the flaps of the bobbysoxers’ may’ve gotten moist back in the day: The pic was taken while Frankie was still toiling in the obscure clubs of New Jersey mob land. He had just begun singing on New York radio that year but was still unknown nationwide.
Even at this early stage, the 1938 charges against him were worthy of an idol: Sinatra was arrested twice that year for “Seduction” and “Adultery.” Apparently the crooner had banged a broad “of good repute” by letting her think he might marry her: Such a devil.
In the cad department though, a few years later Blue Eyes would pay a doctor $40,000 (a good sum in those days) to “bribe to doctors in New Jersey in order to escape the draft.” It worked. He was declared 4-F “because of a perforated eardrum and chronic mastoiditis and that his mental condition was one of mental instability.” Also:
During the psychiatric interview, the patient stated that he was “neurotic, afraid to be in crowds, afraid to go in the elevator, makes him feel that he would want to run when surrounded by people. He had comatic ideas and headaches and has been very nervous for four or five years. Wakens tired in the A.M., is run down and undernourished. The examining psychiatrist concluded that this selectee suffered from psychoneurosis and was not acceptable material from the psychiatric viewpoint.”
Apparently, the above had been secret until 1980 when it was released under a Freedom of Information Act request.
Phil Spector, legendary music producer, impresario, shitty husband, and gun enthusiast is currently serving 19-year term for the murder of his live-in girlfriend. At 74 in 2013, he looked rather unintimidated considering his likelihood of ever seeing the outside again.
Nicki Minaj, another weapons enthusiast, was arrested in 2003 for criminal possession of a strap (with intent to use). At the time she was 20, known as Onika Maraj, and working as a Red Lobster waitress in Queens. You’ll find no sweat on her concealer-free brow.
John Belushi, brows totally on fleek:
I was once detained and issued a two tickets for trespassing and an open container. I’d to sit on the curb with my hands on my head until the police arrived (all of this in front of my girlfriend at the time). I wasn’t yet 21 so it all could’ve been much worse. Still, I’ve never actually been sent to jail. Gawd no: I’ll straight up admit, I’d wet myself like a poodle pup in pen with pitbulls and cry bitch tears. I would. So, the look of fear and humiliation on the faces below, I totally get. Just note that the fear on the faces below only serves to make the faces above appear all the more heroic.
Not moving like Jagger: Sir Mick Jagger, as seen in his famous arrest of 1967. According to the band, a party at Keith Richards’ country estate had been tipped off to the police by The News of the World for possible drug activity. Jagger was suing the paper for slander at the time. Among the guests were Marianne Faithfull and George and Patti Boyd Harrison.
Waiting until the Harrisons had left, the police would enter the house and arrest both Richards and Jagger. The two would be issued harsh sentences but the charges would later be overturned.
Here,
Dale Bozzio from Missing Persons: Just for some context, this is what Dale used to look like;
Earlier in her career she did some, er, modeling if you’re interested. In any event, despite her early promise she appears to have ended up somewhere else entirely. Most recently, Ms Bozzio was still touring with some version of a “Missing Persons,” so it seems as if she’s mostly functional. However, her recent run-in with the law might seem to indicate otherwise. Not knowing her full story, I don’t want to play the possibility of any substance or mental health issues for yucks. Still , she appears to have gone full cat lady: Bozzio tried to rescue sick and feral cats from the woods of New Hampshire, but she evidently didn't take very good care of them. Two of the cats were found dead and 12 were put down after being neglected while Bozzio toured with the band last fall. Later, a judge found her guilty of one count of cruelty to animals and sentenced her to 90 days in jail and 250 hours of community service. She was also ordered to pay a $2700 euthanization bill.
Aerosmith’s and American Idol’s Steven Tyler at 19 looking like Shit’s gonna get serious when my dad finds out. The lips appearing not to have reached their full efflorescence as of yet.
In high school Tyler played drums in various bands before composing Dream On in 1969. He’d meet Joe Perry and with Brad Whitford they’d form Aerosmith a year later. Tyler would be 22.
Here, Kurt Cobain at 19, but the troubled pubescent Kurt would’ve previously been popped for spray painting God is gay and ain't got no how watchamacallit on various cars in Aberdeen, WA. This shot below was for the occasion of a trespassing charge – police found him climbing on the roof of an abandoned warehouse. (Who hasn’t done that?) In 1986 he would’ve been 16 and already living on his own.
Dennis Hopper (1936-2010) used to live around the corner from me. My wife and our two kids were crossing at the corner of his street when he, possibly channeling his huffing psycho character from Blue Velvet, wasn’t about to slow his Jaguar down for no punk ass, non-celebrity family. I felt the wind of his Michelins on my heels. We all of us stared him down. He didn’t look back.
Hopper’s brush with the law came in 1975 and the story goes that after winning some LSD in a poker game, he walked outside and shot a .357 magnum into a tree because he thought it was a grizzly bear. In a turn of Hollywood kismet, Hopper ended up in the same jail where Jack Nicholson’s introductory scene was filmed for Easy Rider.
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